Lord, I want to KNOW you

Genuine love must be proven as genuine and it’s proven under pressure over time. ~Mike Bickle

When the music fades, all is stripped away,

And I simply come
Longing just to bring something that’s of worth
That will bless your heart
I’ll bring you more than a song
For a song in itself,
Is not what you have required
You search much deeper within,
Through the way things appear
You’re looking into my heart
I’m coming back to the heart of worship
And it’s all about You
It’s all about you, Jesus
I’m sorry, Lord for the thing I’ve made it
When it’s all about You
It’s all about You, Jesus….The Heart of Worship, Matt Redman

… so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.  Eph 3:17-19-ESV

How often have the words of this song burst forth from my heart like a mighty rushing river as I yearned for them to be true. They would flow out of my mouth and over my lips causing me to fall at times to my knees in tears and agony desiring to truly worship God in spirit and in truth. The impact of those words was preceded by years of praying certain scriptures out of Ephesians chapters 1 and 3. During my prayer closet days (literal closet) I would weep over a makeshift altar asking that the love of Christ would be rooted and grounded in my heart by faith. I wanted the eyes of my understanding to be enlightened; I wanted to know the exceeding greatness of God’s power towards those who believe. Unknowingly, at that time, I was not aware of the divine set up that was set in motion by God thru His Spirit for these prayers to be answered. I was clueless of the process of how such truths are cultivated within the heart of the believer.

For instance, asking to have the love of Christ “rooted” and “grounded” denotes digging deeply, plowing, uprooting before rooting can take place, it requires grinding, compacting, and consolidating, all of which involves PRESSURE.  And then there is the desire to return to a heart of worship because you have truly come to see that it is “ALL ABOUT JESUS" and with this convicting revelation comes the STRIPPING.

As I’ve walked this journey this past year the word of God has been exactly what it says it is, a two-edge sword, dividing asunder soul and spirit. It has been a light exposing hidden darkness, a balm of healing for the wounded spirit, a refuge in times of trouble, an anchor for my soul, my saving grace, and more. This journey is a part of that divine set up which began in that prayer closet back in 1983.  My heart has been led down a path that has uncovered-revealed, excavated-uprooted, such things within me that has brought me to a divine halt and I shall go no further until things are resolved. I’ve reached a crossroad. I can either take the pathways of “BELIEF” (believing) or “KNOW” (knowing) or the one that unites the two together as one.

I’ve often taught that one of my scariest scriptures is the one out of Matthew 7 where it is said by some that they did all manner of things in Jesus’ name yet He says to them to depart from Him because He never knew them.  This troubles me because they “believed” therefore they were able to do and achieve such accomplishments as those that were mentioned in the scripture. Therefore, I’ve trembled over this and sought to not be counted amongst such a group but to be known of Christ and to know Him as well.

The stripping and pressure that I’ve experienced this year has made me aware that I truly believe in the WORD of God. I have faith in the WORD of God. I trust in the WORD of God. I am committed to the WORD of God. I am fully persuaded that God is the WORD, the WORD is God and that He is faithful to His WORD. Now that this is understood let me reveal my problem. My problem is that during this season of extreme pressure and stripping I have discovered that my head and my heart believes and knows the truths of God’s word but one truth was not found in my heart. I found myself unable to verbalize that I knew that God loved me. That’s right! I believe that He loves me because His WORD tells me so. My Mind knows and believes beyond any shadow of doubt that God loves me because He is love. He can do nothing nor be anything other than who He is. I believe with my head that He loves me and this belief is good. This belief will in fact enable me to live a life of faith as a believer and God would be pleased (Heb 11:6). But this shocking revelation brought forth by the sharp sword of the Lord opened my eyes to see that there are two places that a believer can live out of, the mind (soul) or heart (spirit) or I can let His word have its perfect work in me and the two can become ONE.  In John 17:3, Jesus did not pray that I would believe in God; His prayer was that I would know God. Believing and knowing are two separate entities. There has to be a convergence of the two in order for this great love of Christ to be rooted and grounded in my heart by faith.

I shudder to think that had I not been stripped this past year of all that I deemed meaningful too and for my life that I would have remained clueless of this truth. Because of my beliefs and faith I would have continued to live, teach, preach, and walk with Christ being fully persuaded with my mind and heart of His word yet having areas of disunity between the two. I give honor to the patient and longsuffering God who planted those prayers in seed form within my heart and although I’ve fallen short, grappled with fear, let my tears become my food, wrestled with doubt and unbelief, and accused Him falsely; He never let me go and has purposed to honor His word and my deep cry. LORD, I want to know you. LORD, I don’t solely want to believe in your love for me, I want to know this love that you have for me and know that I love you with all my mind, strength, soul, my whole heart.

I choose the pathway which leads to convergence!

Beverly ~Timbra

Where You Go I Go

Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. I will go wherever you go and live wherever you live.  Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God.  I will die where you die and will be buried there.  May the LORD punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us! ~Ruth 1:16-17

The words "where you go I go" were the very ones that rang repeatedly within my spirit when Holy Spirit began leading me to move to Kansas. For a long time I had resisted but this stirring was final and I could obey or ignore (turn aside) and remain where I was and He would permit it. But by now my heart’s longing and need for Him made it impossible to want anything less than being in His presence.  I knew that I could not and cannot live without Him.

In the story of Ruth, Naomi’s name actually means “pleasant, pleasing, pleasurable, agreeable,” it was she who asked that she be called Mara which meant bitter. In writing this I have chosen to use the name by which she was known of the LORD and not the one that she called herself. From this point on Naomi will represent Holy Spirit and the humble and loyal, Ruth will represent those who are looked upon as poor, fatherless, sojourners, foreigners, widows, castaways, outcasts, etc.

One of the requirements of a disciple when following Jesus is His command to leave ALL. It necessitates a total abandonment to everything that you rely upon for comfort, strength, and security including family and friends (Matt 19:29).  This reality and truth confronts you and causes you to either make the decision to continue on, make excuses, or return back to what is familiar. This I can confirm because I have come to that crossroad several times this past year.  Following Christ is no joke; what comes to mind is the story in the Bible of the young man who asked Jesus if he could return and bury his father and Jesus’ reply was let the dead bury their own dead (Matt 8:22). As for Ruth although, she was a gentile, she had learned of God through her relationship with Naomi (Holy Spirit). This relationship had brought about such a love in the heart of Ruth for Naomi (Holy Spirit) that she refused to leave her and return to her own people when encouraged to do so. She was willing to leave ALL in order to remain in the presence of Naomi (Holy Spirit).  Her cry was that nothing less than death could separate the two of them.

Ruth would soon learn that this would be no easy journey for she now found herself amongst the chosen people of God. A gentile woman who had worshipped idols, one who did not belong, one who was considered to be less than, a poor widow with no chance at all of finding love amongst this group of people. Nevertheless, her loyalty to Naomi (Holy Spirit) along with her heart’s attitude of a servant gave her the strength to remain faithful in the midst of her circumstances. Unbeknown to Ruth, God was setting her up for something beyond anything that she could have ever imagined. She was being positioned to receive that which God declares in His word to be the exceeding, abundantly, above all that she would ever dare to ask or hope (Eph 3:20).

Ruth did not let her gentile status amongst the chosen ones keep her from obeying and following the instructions of Naomi (Holy Spirit) when she was told to go out and glean in the fields.  Gleaning is the practice of gathering leftovers of grain, grapes, or other fruit after the harvesters have harvested the field. It was required by law that leftovers were left behind for the poor, fatherless, widows, sojourners, and foreigners. In spite of Ruth's poverty and status word of her loyalty, love, servant hood, to Naomi and her humility had not gone unnoticed. Holy Spirit was leading her into a spacious place of favor because she was pleasing to God. I’m sure the taunting’s of the other women who were gleaning in the field was not easy to deal with especially when it became obvious that she was being favored by the redeemer as well for he had commanded protection for her and that extra grain be left behind for her to collect.

Unsuspectingly, Ruth’s journey was about to come to a significant change.  But before the change occurs it will require a greater death to self-prophetically speaking. The season of gleaning was now leading to the “threshing floor.”  Threshing floors were set on hilltops so that they were exposed to the wind that blew away the chaff. The harvested grain was laid out on the threshing floor and was threshed by oxen driven over it, pulling a threshing sledge equipped with sharp teeth dragged over it, or by beating with sticks. Wooden forks were then used to throw the grain into the air so that the wind would blow off the chaff while the heavier grain fell back to the floor. Believe me as I wrote this my insides quaked as I related to the pressures, pain, shame, loss, loneliness, agony, and everything else that the tormentors (tools for sifting and separating) are permitted to do during the process. If the wheat and barley could speak I’m sure that during the threshing process we would hear a tremendous amount of wailing, screaming objections, but when it all settles down that which falls at the feet of the harvester is the valuable wheat freed from the worthless chaff.

Holy Spirit’s (Naomi) next request would be for Ruth to change her appearance by ridding herself of the old clothing, take a bath, anoint herself with perfume (oil), put on her finest clothes, and go to the THRESHING FLOOR. Let me digress here for a moment and say that prophetically what I see here is the same as what took place with Jesus. Before His finest hour (resurrection) His feet were washed, He was anointed with perfumed oil, He was flogged unmercifully, and afterwards they gambled for His clothing. The THRESHING FLOOR would be the final place where Ruth’s total obedience and submission would bring forth God’s divine plan for her life and the fulfillment of historical prophecy.  The threshing process would result in this poor, gentile, widowed, second class citizen of the community to be ushered into the genealogy of Jesus, Himself.

Women were not allowed to be at the threshing floor.  Her presence there could have easily been misunderstood but her obedience in following the instructions of Naomi (Holy Spirit) was in no way unlawful. According to the social custom of that day a girl could not propose to a man but she was free to indicate that she was interested in being married. One of those ways would be to warm the man’s feet.  Holy Spirit (Naomi) instructed Ruth to uncover Boaz’ feet, lie down and wait for him (the Redeemer) to tell her what to do.  What happens next is phenomenally prophetic (as far as I’m concerned). The story reveals that at MIDNIGHT (Matt 25:6) Boaz, the redeemer, was startled and awoke to find a woman lying at his feet. Her willingness to lay prostrate, the position of rest, at the feet of this man was a display of her utmost loyalty, humility, and submission.  Upon revealing her identity she proceeds to ask that he would now spread his wings over her and the rest of the story is “HIStory.” Her life was forever changed.

This story gives me great hope. As one who chose to follow Holy Spirit (my Naomi) on a journey that required abandoning all that gave comfort, security, and strength, as one who left family and friends to follow Jesus’ leading, as one who now lives a life of gleaning (would that my attitude be more like that of Ruth), as one who has submitted to the threshing I now choose to go beyond sitting at the feet of my REDEEMER-JESUS. I have chosen to lay myself prostrate, in the position of rest, uncover my Lord’s feet, and warm them with my presence and WAIT because it’s almost MIDNIGHT!

Behold the Bridegroom cometh!!!!!!!!

Until He Returns,
Timbra (Beverly)