How Low Can You Go???

When you hear the above statement if you are like me you probably smiled and did the dance movements to the beat of “how low can you go…how low can you go…etc., etc.”  Recently, when I heard this statement during one of the conference sessions it was in reference to becoming “humble.” Now here’s the deal…statements such as “crush me Lord”…”use me Lord for your glory”…”have your way in me”….”I want to be a vessel of glory”….”I surrender all”….” “oh, that I might decrease that you might increase…”are you following me?  These cries and pleadings of my heart were made to God on several occasions during many of my personal prayer times and with all sincerity I meant it when I said it. Many years ago the Lord showed me how the Ark of the Covenant which contained Aaron’s rod, the manna, and the tablets of stone was a prophetic type and shadow of who we are; that we are now the walking, living, breathing, Ark of the Covenant so I taught a message on “Becoming Bearers of the Glory.”

Now to hear during this particular conference session this statement “the Lord is raising up vessels that can contain the fullness of what he wants to release. My primary burden is creating and facilitating the growth of vessels, containers, that as God begins to make known to you (what He has for you) the revelation of your calling and the revelation of the anointing on your life doesn’t crush you, but you are actually equipped to walk it out.”~Corey Russell, reminded me of the message of Becoming Bearers of the Glory.” To me, he is saying (Bev’s paraphrase) if you don’t go low in every area of your life…if you do not let the Lord deal with everything, that when the glory comes (and it has and is) it will crush you…it will break you…it will cause you to burst open…does that sound like new wine being placed in old wineskins?  My point is this…I am a “doer”…I have spent my life “doing” things to PLEASE not only people BUT God.  My past consists of many attempts at suicide because I felt unworthy and unwanted therefore, I would go out of my way to please people and when it failed I felt even more as a failure and so the best thing for me to do was to die.  Then came salvation, inner healing, deliverance and more and although my motives were no longer selfish or to please man; I now only wanted to please God. Truthfully, God has made it known on several occasions that He is highly pleased with me...so much so that He is now asking me to please Him by no longer “doing” but “being.”  This is crushing…this is a low place for me. He has asked me through an encounter with a stranger who wept as he informed me of what the Lord was saying to him to say to me…that the Lord “misses me” and wants me to take time to just “be.”  Now, why would this be a shocker to me…for I have even taught this…well, it’s a shocker because it’s another level. It has been more than 20 years since I have heard the Lord say with such brokenness and passion that “He misses me”….I became so busy “doing”…that I forgot that God desires to be with me and me with Him first and foremost. He has called me to the place of rest. He has asked me to sit at His feet and learn of Him, to be still and know. I mean to really be still. Only in the place of rest will I be able to hear Him call me to a lower place.  Being and not doing is not easy for me for already I am hearing the voice of my enemy speaking and offering me garments that I must resist.

Had I been in Alabama this past CHRISTmas I would have given an assignment to The Gathering members for our CHRIST party.  The assignment would have been this; if they could choose a role to portray during the birth of Christ which would they choose? Would they choose to be one of the shepherds, one the angels, Joseph, Mary, or anything or anyone that would come to mind and why. My plans were to choose to be the “manger” and here’s why.  I saw the manger as being my heart. I saw this as a resting place and so I would have expounded on my choice from that perspective.  Here’s the clincher of “how low can you go.”

A manger is actually a trough from which livestock eat. Not only was God showing us that the Lord was our portion, the Bread of Heaven and could be found in the lowest of places. He desires to enter into the lowest places of our hearts to rest.  What I have been shown is that I have allowed my heart to be a place where many have come to eat but now it is time for me to allow my heart to become a place of rest. Only in this low place of being stripped of my identity that is found in the doing…will I enter into the place of being so that I will not be crushed as His glory is released in and upon me. 

How low will you go?

Grace and peace.

Joy Fears? The CHRISTmas Story

Have you ever felt like you were a part of a divine set-up by God? Well, recently, I was. One word can describe the reason that I so enjoy this particular holiday, CHRISTmas, and the word is "Giving." I taught my children from the very beginning that they received all of their gifts and toys because we loved them.  It was to teach them that God gave to us His only begotten Son and it was not based on whether or not I or they had been good...it was because He loved us that He "gave"....so every year something miraculous would occur and in spite of our circumstances we would be able to give to our children as a show of our love for them. Giving to me goes much deeper than the CHRISTmas holiday...I have chosen to live a life of giving  based on the truth that God "loves" a cheerful giver...so I am not one who gives in order to GET a blessing...I give BECAUSE -God gave and it speaks of love....that too is another post. Anyway, here's the story.
Always at this time of the year I love to find someone in particular to give too. Now living in Kansas, I was clueless as to whom I could be a blessing too, so I asked my daughter to find me a family with a child on the Nightwatch who I could bless. It was now day 2 and so far she had not given me anyone and I was getting a little anxious because I wanted to shop for them before everything would get away and I also wanted to avoid the crowds.  One day while waiting I decided to spend some time in the Prayer Room. I have been struggling whenever I have gone because I am a very lively worshipper. I really enjoy Daddy and I let Him know it..but this is a new garden for me and for some idiotic reason I have tried to become like everyone else and be quiet (it's not working-I have to be who I am)...anyway, while I am attempting to enter into a place of quiet worship and bible reading I become troubled by an issue that the Lord is touching.  The issue is believing that He has good things ahead for me, hearing the Lord say things like your dark days have passed that He really wants me to be happy and receive his "JOY," personally, I have a problem with that because I feel much closer to God when I am struggling and I fear blessings when it comes to ME as if it should not happen for me but for others ( a little kimono opening); strange how you can be in a place for so long and it becomes so familiar til when it is time for change you resist it out of fear.

In the midst of my personal struggle with this "JOY" issue I suddenly hear the Lord say "write a check" and give it to the young lady sitting about 3 chairs to my left in the row ahead of me. He even gave me the total. I think to myself, wait...if I write her a check I want be able to do anything for one of the Nightwatch children. But I can't shake this urgency to write the check, so I grab my phone and send Ariel a text telling her to give me the information as soon as possible because I have to "give" something now. That if I did not hear back from her I would have to do it for someone else.  I could not shake this urgency so I eased down a couple of chairs and handed the young lady a note asking for her name. She reads the note turns around and shows me the paper and she has written "JOY"...that's right JOY...I say to her...give me your full name...she then writes "JOY FEARS"....those of you who know me probably think that I had a complete hallelujah, jump up and down, shouting fit....but hold your horses....I was too stunned.  I bowed my head...wrote the check and passed it to her...she opened it up and turned and gave me the warmest, most thankful smile, put it away and returned to prayer. I, in return, sat still in awe, stunned, shocked, and knew that I had been divinely set-up by God. He went to the core of one of my struggles....I fear(ed) His "JOY" and that which He has for me and He wanted to expose it in an undeniable way.  I then sensed that my "GIVING" / planting into the life of Joy Fears was a prophetic act somehow on behalf of both my life and hers. Not sure what her issues may entail but I know that if the Lord used her to bless me and touch my core...He has something in store for her too.....

How great is our God...sing with me How great...how great is our God.

Thank you Daddy for "giving"

Never Ending Journey

How often I have said that a page has turned or a chapter of my life has come to a close but this is the first time that I have ever felt that which I am feeling now.  It is as one who finally finished reading a book where each chapter either held them in suspense, brought them to the edge of their seats, or caused the reader to cover their faces from sheer fear of pending defeat, exasperated over what appeared to be repeated failure, or singing along the lines of one of the characters favorite songs, "Joy and Pain"...are like sunshine and rain. Yes, a book has been completed in my life and and a new one has begun.  I have never entertained that thought before; as I look back on it I would say that the book was like a womb. A womb that had become very familiar and comfortable and now that I have been pushed out and into a whole new world I feel lost.

My former book (womb) could be summed up by the picture that is posted within this blog. The handwriting is that of my late husband and his love for me and the kids.  Often throughout out our marriage the Lord would use the book of Hosea as a means of encouraging me to remain in the relationship.  How ironic that I would find where he had made a notation of his love and care for us as a family....in the book of Hosea.

Well, this new book will begin in of all places...Overland Park, Kansas. Not in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought that I would be living in Kansas.  The Wizard of Oz was NOT one of my favorite movies but I find now that I have "Ruby Red" slippers....of course I am not looking for the "wizard" of Oz...my journey here is because of another book. The book of Isaiah...in fact...a scripture from that book became a jewel in the foundation of my salvation back in 1983.  Isaiah 56:7 was a scripture that the Lord used when He changed my name (another blog post perhaps) and this scripture refers to being brought to God's holy mountain and being made joyful in His house of prayer.  That's right...I am here for the "House of Prayer"...I have no clue at the present what the Lord has in store for me other than calling me to a deeper place of prayer....in His house.

The book begins....